For many years love has been assumed in different cultures to be a powerful aspect of human connectedness. When love is adequately communicated it can have a long lasting impact on the social, emotional and cognitive flourishing of children. Due to advancements in scientific technology the powerful implications for love has been supported in studies.

According to Donaldson and Westerman (1986), children first begin centering their concepts of love around objects or events. For example, a child may define love by how often their parents give them their favorite foods or toys. However, as the brain further develops a more concrete understanding of love is based on memories and attitudes. For example, Mom cooked me soup and held my hand all night while I was sick last winter. Additionally children begin to learn how to deliberately demonstrate their emotions for others. The adequate communication of love can make a more profound impact on the child’s development.

Love Language

According to Gary Chapman, there are 5 love languages in which we communicate our love and appreciation for each other. These languages include; words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, receiving gifts and acts of service. Each person has a primary love language in which they communicate their feelings for others. Gary posits that conflict or disconnect arises when families, singles or couples are not aware of each other’s primary love language. For example, a mother’s love language might be receiving gifts, thus she may purchase extravagant new toys and gadgets for her child. However, her child’s primary love language may be quality time. The child may feel like their mother is not showing genuine love because she expressed love through gifts versus spending quality time. These disconnects in communication of love can hinder the ability for people to effectively bond and establish a harmonious relationship. The relationship between parent and child serves as a template for later relationships both professionally and personally. The ability to show love and appreciation for others that may not speak your primary love language can enhance leadership and social skills. For example, a teacher that recognizes her discouraged students love language is words of affirmation may be tactful in offering words of encouragement to improve their confidence and motivation. 

Sweet Benefits

The ability to effectively communicate love can increase language skills and emotional intelligence. When children are prompted to communicate their feelings and empathize with others wants and needs, they develop a higher understanding of social engagement.  Acquiring the ability to effectively communicate love enhances friendships and relationships. These skills allow others to feel appreciated and affirmed. Children often struggle with identifying and communicating their feelings about themselves and others. Teaching children how to recognize and demonstrate various love languages enables them to recognize and express love in various arenas, leading to a more fulfilled life at home, school and extracurricular.

Tips for Learning Your Child’s Love Language

• Provide your child the opportunity to choose which way they would like you to express your love. For example, ask them if they would rather spend time together at the park or have you bake them their favorite cookies.
• Learn your child’s primary love language and focus on that one.
• Model the use of love language with other friends and family members.
• Quality time: for boys set up a man-cave night or tea-bake night with girls.
• Affirmation: create little encouragement sticky notes and place them in your child’s lunch box. 
• Physical touch: Every now and then join your child in his or her bed and cuddle with them.
• Receiving gifts: create a photo collage or timeline for your child’s accomplishments.
• Acts of service: Bake your child’s favorite cake, cookies or cook his/her favorite dish.

If you are struggling to identify your child’s primary love language strive to balance to use of all them as frequently as possible.